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KIDS OF CHARACTER 9/7/2009
It Isn’t Fair! “It isn’t fair!” These words are spoken by a child at home or on the playground at school. Professionals from all walks of life can angrily speak these words when facing financial misfortune. Grieving family members give voice to these words when confronting a tragic personal loss. “It isn’t fair!” can be seen and heard everywhere, everyday! Is a Kids of Character essay an appropriate place to ask the question, “So, what is fair?” You bet it is, but for a specific purpose: to communicate an ethical imperative for individuals, young or old, who might benefit from a moment of reflection on this significant character theme. The ethical imperative: Fairness is not about personal feelings. Feeling good is not the benchmark to define fairness is at work in everyday life. The person who believes that fairness rests on a feeling to which one is entitled in all circumstances, events and conditions, will surely live an extraordinarily unhappy life. Unfortunately, during the last forty years, American society has been mesmerized by the arresting belief, “If I don’t feel good about…it…whatever it is… then it isn’t fair.” What results show up with those who walk through each day carrying the fairness-is-a feeling-premise? When confronting anything not going well, these individuals may verbally attack another, scream foul, make enemies of others, possibly file suit, and always show up as the Victim. When the virtue of fairness operates from one’s sense of entitlement to happy feelings, fairness is flawed. So what is fairness if it is not about how one personally feels? Let us look at an alternative foundation for fairness: Fairness is the personal commitment to practice the Golden Rule recognizing we live in a limited, problematic, challenging and, sometimes, grossly painful world. Therefore, practicing fairness is not the search for re-assuring, golden good feelings about everything. Rather, fairness is the application of an individual’s affirming attitude connected to positive action in spite of the problems and challenges inherent in living in a world not free from pain. “It isn’t fair.” A character mentor has a response to this statement when it is expressed by a child or teen. The character mentor knows that a child can be taught to face down life’s unfair experiences and re-shape such moments to their advantage to become a more capable, resilient individual.
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